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" Behind the Scenes of The Drums of Heaven "Written By: Solitude1056 Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but I
like to take them out and play with them. Pairings: Heeruo, Trotre, Heerena (only as source
of teasing), Zefillow, but no Spuffy. Oh, wait, wrong fandom. Okay,
I meant: Heero & Duo, Trowa & Quatre, Heero & Relena (past
only), and Zefyr & Evil Willow. Rated: PG-13. And General Weirdness. Warnings: fluff, weird stuff, gratuitous use of
original characters, and occasional cameos from other Zefyr fics or
general anime, all written as voice-over commentary transcripts. Critiques: Always welcome, especially constructive.
Spoilers: Many spoilers for the actual story;
recommended that Drums be read prior to reading the corresponding
commentary. Chapters correspond to commentaries until chapter 9, at
which point the commentary drops off, and picks back up at chapter
17. Behind the Scenes of The Drums of Heaven I’ve been contemplating this story for a month
or so now, while gathering intelligence (because I need all I can
get) by watching the original series, and reading various character
and story analyses by people far more gifted than I in such areas.
At various points while reading other folks’ stories, I’d
compare their concepts to what I was actually seeing on the screen
and sometimes the stories fell short... and sometimes the original
falls short. Let’s face it, folks, there’s a lot in GW that’s
purposefully ambiguous. Relena might be the shojo queen of unrequited
looooove... or just the psychotic stalking queen. Duo, Heero, Trowa,
Quatre, Wufei... I couldn’t help it. I kept thinking, what would
the characters say? And that got me thinking about the fact, especially
after listening to Margaret Cho’s commentary (in the style of
her sainted mother) and started wondering what our five pilots would
say on a commentary track. That, then, is the basis behind what you’re
reading now. It’ll probably continue, in random jabs and starts,
as I write the real story. I was going to keep this merely as the
introduction, but the problem is that it’s not really a decent
warning. If you read this and think I’m going to drop the humor
bucket on you, you’re wrong, but it’d be my fault for misleading
you with a humorous opening. Like most of my other stuff so far, the
story is likely to end up being darker than I planned, with a bit
o’ violence, some cussing, some angst. (Maybe not too much angst.
I’m not as good at it. I tend to skip past it and let you just
fill in the blanks. If that bothers anyone, let me know. I’m
here to practice my own skills, after all, so critiques are always
welcomed with open arms.) Anyway, as you might guess, if you were grinning at
the end of this introduction (which I hope you will be), you might
be less than enthused to find the opening chapter of the actual story
being a bit of a downer. At least, the draft so far is. Who knows,
Heero might do the can-can across Relena’s desk with a can-opener
in one hand while wearing bowling shoes, but I doubt it. But first, a few words you won’t be seeing: gomen,
koibito, ohayo, aishiteru or whatever that stupid word is, hai, ano,
ne, no da... I mean, really. I don’t speak Japanese. I don’t
need to speak it to read a story. I personally think Clavell should
be shot for creating an entire writing genre where you take three
foreign words out of context and build an entire story around them.
(I’m not making that up. Read Taipan or Shogun and you’ll
see what I mean.) So, to conclude... if I’m gonna do justice (so
to speak) to the genre and not upset any of the billions of audience
members who so obviously love this particular school of fanfics, I
will now start out by laying down a few ground rules. Duo: Do you always talk this much? Zefyr: I’m just warming up. You’re first. Duo: *eep* What? What did I do? Zefyr: This is fair warning. In the story I’m planning,
you’re not going to get beat up. Well, not badly. Duo: I’m not? But every author always beats me
up. I’m like Torture Guy for the entire GW fanbase. Zefyr: It’s the cute ass. But even if you get beat
up, you’re not going to cry. Duo: Really? Zefyr: Did you ever cry during the series or the movie
or in any of the manga? Duo: I did in the Episode Zero series, but don’t
hold it against me. Heero: There are better things to hold against you. Wufei: Get a room. Duo: Then you’re just going to torture me with
a lot of angst, right? That’s what everyone does. I’m going
to spend the whole story bemoaning my huge crush on Heero. Zefyr: Nope. Duo: Am I going to parade around in my skivvies hoping
someone will notice? Zefyr: Nope. Duo: Am I going to sing at the top of my lungs in really
irritating off-tune twentieth-century melodies? Zefyr: Nope. Well, not while the story’s rolling.
Maybe between scenes, on your own time. Duo: Am I going to be a stripper or a prostitute? Or
even a former prostitute? Zefyr: What, you want to be? Duo: Not really. I just can’t figure out where
people get the idea I’d sink that low. Zefyr: I think they have problems with the idea of you
being a thief, or just like giving you a complex about sex for the
purposes of angst. Anything else? Duo: Am I going to have to unbraid my hair for sexual
appeal, cut it off, shave my head, or dye my hair unnatural colors? Zefyr: Unlikely. Duo: *whew* Am I going to have endless paragraphs where
I agonize about my past and how dirty it is and how I’m therefore
not as good as everyone else? Zefyr: Probably not. Nor will you be called ‘braided
baka’ every other line. Quatre: Zef, you’ve got to stop this insanity.
You’re not leaving anything for Duo to do. Zefyr: Just wait your turn, space boy. Quatre: *eep* Zefyr: Heero, there will be no angst-ridden crying as
you consider your unrequited love and/or lust for Duo. Nor will there
be random statements of ‘mission accepted,’ and no unexpected
statements of ‘I’m going to kill you’ in bad fangirl
Japanese. Heero: Hn. Quatre: *suspicious* You’re going to ignore every
fanfic convention, aren’t you. Zefyr: Oh, and Heero, there will be no braid-pulling,
either. Heero: *whew* Duo: *whew* Zefyr: Trowa, you won’t be the seme. Not with your
history. Trowa: *whew* Zefyr: Nor will you ever call Quatre ‘little one.’ Quatre: *whew* Zefyr: Wufei, I don’t want to see you saying ‘injustice!’
every fifth word just as a punchline. Nor will you be declaiming every
woman as ‘onna.’ Wufei: I won’t? Zefyr: Am I the only person who thought it was bizarre
that a Chinese character would use a Japanese word for ‘woman’
in an English story? Wufei: I’ve been meaning to wipe out evils like
that. Zefyr: Oh, and no nosebleeds for you. Wufei: What a relief. Why does everyone else get a sex
drive and I have to always be embarrassed? Zefyr: That’s right. In my story, you won’t
be playing the straight man. Wufei: Cool. Wait... what??? Zefyr: Quatre, you won’t be paralyzed by always
sensing every bad emotion in a fifteen-mile radius. Quatre: I won’t? What about this namby-pamby space
heart business? Zefyr: You wiped out an entire colony and didn’t
flinch. Quatre: Blame Canada. Zefyr: Also, you won’t be a mother hen to the rest
of the crew. Quatre: Oh, good. That gets annoying after awhile. About
time someone noticed I let Trowa make his own decisions. Trowa: Well... Quatre: Okay, okay. Mostly because Cathy can’t
take no for an answer. That woman is scary. Heero: Yeah. Wufei: Something’s wrong. Duo hasn’t said
anything in sixteen or seventeen lines. Zefyr: What, you people haven’t noticed that Duo
does think, sometimes? Duo: Sometimes? Heero: You can tell by the steam coming out of the ears. Duo: Hey! Quatre: Heero cracked a joke? Trowa: F34r the l33t. Heero: Blame the author. Wufei: Speaking of which, write me intelligently or
I’m going back to Kiyasama. At least she writes me nicely. Quatre: And Dyna Dee. They both seem to remember there’s
more to GW than Heero and Duo. Duo: I’m kinda partial to Sunhawk. I kick major
ass in those stories. Heero: I like Dyna Dee. And Caroline. Quatre: She’s good. So’s Lone Wolf. Duo: Heero likes Dyna Dee cause she always makes him
the seme. Wufei: Jealous much? All limes are good; lemons are
better. Quatre: Except ones without lube. Trowa: *nods* Duo: Yeah, those are bad. Heero: Hn. Wufei: Hey, where’d the author go? Trowa: Writing already, I think. Duo: Where’s Heero’s laptop? Heero: Grrr... (with many thanks to Kiya Sama, who pointed out a few
clichés I forgot... heh.) ~ * ~ On
to Commentary 1 |
